


Barriers

by Gwendolyn_Loves_Gay



Series: Pride 2019 [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: First Kiss, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-05 20:22:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19047724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gwendolyn_Loves_Gay/pseuds/Gwendolyn_Loves_Gay
Summary: Jace starts dating Alec, but before he can come out, he needs to face some barriers.





	Barriers

**2 months ago**

Jace had a nightmare again, and it was much worse than last time, which meant he was staying in Alec’s room again.

Jace loved spending the night in Alec’s room. ‘More time with your best friend’ he told himself.

Robert didn’t like that Jace was often spending the night in Alec’s room, nightmares or not.

“It’s more time for him to spend with his brother.” Maryse had reasoned when Robert told him to stop.

Jace winced at the word ‘brother’. He had never thought of Alec as a brother, but that seemed to be the only way Robert and Maryse would let him stay the night in Alec’s room.

But now Jace was in Alec’s room. He was laying on top of Alec with his bead buried in the crook of Alec’s neck.

Alec wrapped his arms around Jace and he could feel tears wetting his neck. He raised one of his hands up to massage his scalp.

“You were gone.” Jace said. “I couldn’t see you, I couldn’t feel you, I-“ Jace’s words caught in his throat and he cried into Alec’s shoulder, clutching onto him like a lifeline.

“I’m here. It’s okay, I’m not going anywhere without you.” Alec comforted.

“You promise?” Jace asked, sitting up to straddle Alec’s hips and looked Alec in the eyes.

Alec’s hands came up to grasp Jace’s hips. “I promise.” Alec shifted so that he was sitting up and holding Jace on his lap.

Jace put his hands on Alec’s bare torso, tracing the flexibility rune there.

Jace’s head dropped and he tried to blink away his tears.

Alec lifted Jace's head to look into his eyes and wiped away his tears.

Alec then pulled Jace closer.

Jace's breaths were now coming heavily and he was panting, leaning forward to rest his forehead against Alec's, their breaths mingling, and in that moment, all Jace wanted was to be as close to Alec as he could possibly be.

Jace moved his hands up to wrap his arms around Alec's neck and pull himself closer to Alec.

"Can I kiss you?" Jace asked softly.

"Yes. Oh God, yes." Alec begged.

Jace pressed his lips against Alec's, kissing him deeply.

Alec pulled Jace impossibly closer and sighed into the kiss.

Jace pulled away from the kiss and ducked down to kiss Alec's neck.

"Jace." Alec sighed.

"Yes?"

"We need to sleep." He said. "We can talk about this in the morning."

"A-Are you upset?" Jace asked nervously.

"No, no. I think we should wait until tomorrow to plan our date." Alec explained.

"You aren't going to tell Robert, are you?"

"No. Not unless you want me to."

"Not yet." Jace compromised.

Alec laid back down and Jace rested his head on Alec's chest, over his beating heart, the rhythm soothing him to sleep.

* * *

**Present Day**

The Lightwoods were all in their mansion in Idris.

Robert and Maryse were gone for the evening, and Isabelle had started to notice something strange.

Jace seemed like he couldn't decide if he wanted to be as close to Alec as possible, or as far away from Alec as possible.

He would stand right next to Alec, but whenever Alec touched him, he would find an excuse to go somewhere else.

And Izzy wanted to know what was going on.

"Jace, can I talk to you in the sitting room for a minute." She asked

"Sure." Jace said, following her out of the kitchen.

"Sit." She said, patting the couch cushion beside her.

Jace sat down."What's up?"

"What's going on between you and Alec?" Isabelle asked.

"What do you mean 'going on'?" Jace asked

 "You've been acting weird around Alec. You keep flinching away when he touches you. What-" She gasped."Did he tell you he's gay?"

"Uh, Yeah." Jace said.

"Jonathan Christopher Wayland, if you give my brother any crap about being gay-" Isabelle started.

"No, no. It's not that." Jace said. 

"Jace” Isabelle lowered her voice. “Did he kiss you?”

“No” Jace said. “But you have to swear upon the Angel that you will never utter a word of what I’m about to say to you.”

“I swear upon the Angel” Izzy said.

“I-“ Jace hid his face in his hands.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not gonna leave you, Jace”

Jace kept his head down when he responded. “I kissed him. I’ve wanted to for the longest time, and I loved it. Ugh. Is there something wrong with me? I mean, is it wrong?” He asked. “To want another man like that?” tears were

streaming down his face now. “I just- a part of me thinks that wanting Alec like that is horrible, but when I’m with him

, I just want to stay with him forever. Is there something wrong with me?”

Isabelle pulled Jace into a hug and started running her fingers through his hair. “No, there’s nothing wrong with you.” She said. “This is just a barrier. You two just need to take it one step at a time.”

Jace looked up when he heard a knock on the door.

“Hey. Are you-“ Alec rushed forward when he saw Jace crying and sat next to him. “Are you okay?” He asked.

Jace turned to face Alec and he wiped his tears away. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” Alec asked.

“Yeah. I’m just a little overwhelmed.”

“I’ll just see you guys in the morning.” Isabelle said, standing up.

“Wait.” Jace called. “Can you stay for a few more minutes.”

Isabelle nodded and sat down on the couch again.

“I was wondering, only if it’s okay with you, if we could tell Maryse.” Jace said nervously.

“Are you sure?” Alec asked.

“Yeah. I just don’t want to tell Robert yet.”

“Okay. We can do that.” Alec said.

Isabelle shifted uncomfortably.

“Isabelle, when do you think we should tell her?” Jace asked.

“I can take Dad out to do something tomorrow night and you guys can tell Mom over dinner.” Isabelle suggested.

“That would be perfect.” Alec said.

“Okay. Goodnight boys.” Izzy said.

“Goodnight.” The boys replied in unison.

* * *

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Alec asked while he stirred the soup.

“Yes, I’m sure. I’m just . . . nervous.” Jace replied.

“Okay.” Alec said, wrapping his arms around Jace.

Isabelle walked into the kitchen. “Okay, here’s the thing. I can keep Dad out of the house until 9:00. Can you guys work with that?”

“Yes.” Alec said. “We’re going to tell Mom over dinner, and then probably avoid her for the next few days.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Jace said.

* * *

“Alec, you cooked for me! What did you break?” Maryse exclaimed when she entered the room.

“Nothing. I just wanted to have dinner with you.” Alec responded.

“Where’s Jace? Is he out with Izzy and Robert?” Maryse asked as she shrugged off her coat.

“No. He’ll join us shortly.” Alec said. “The reason I made dinner for us,” Alec started, “Is because I have a date in a few days, and I wanted you to know who I’m going out with.” 

“You have a date?” Maryse asked. “When will she be here?”

“I told them to come,”Alec checked his watch, “Right about now. So . . .”

Jace walked in the room a few seconds later. “I hope I’m not late.” He said.

“You’re actually right on time.” Alec corrected.

Jace stood next to Alec and put his arm around Alec’s waist. 

“Maryse, this is my date.” Alec said, putting his arm around Jace.

Maryse was still for a moment, her mouth half open as if she were about to say something, but no sound came.

Finally, she snapped out of her daze “You’re gay?” She asked.

“Yeah. We are.” Jace responded.

“How long have you two been together?”

“Two months.”

“Six weeks.”

Jace and Alec looked at each other.

“Well, however long you two have been together,” Maryse said, “I’m happy for you. Now, let’s eat.”

Jace beamed up at Alec. Maybe having a boyfriend wasn't as hard as he thought it would be.


End file.
